An online Store...

The 'E' Factor

Dear Michelle

Emotion can be a real challenge for entrepreneurs to manage. We can decide how we choose to feel once we apply some discipline and logic to an emotive response, but we can’t always control that initial spontaneous reactive feeling that comes over us in the moment. It is a blessing to be able to feel, but sometimes it can seem like more of a curse and entirely undesirable, especially when our emotions are doing a better job of controlling us than we are of controlling them! The fact is that our emotional landscape not only dictates how we think and act, but also what we attract in terms of opportunities, people and even money. Negative emotions or fear, for instance of not having enough, often just lead us to less of what we want, not more.

What we experience as emotion is the result of a chemical reaction in our bodies triggered by stimuli to the brain. Sometimes we can be well aware of the stimuli especially if it’s external to ourselves, but sometimes we’re not aware, as the process of trigger and reaction can happen subconsciously. An emotional stimulus can take many forms, be it a sound, a tone of a voice, something you see or experience, but in most cases it is a thought. It is this internal process that can seem to dictate our feelings (quite ironic considering we might think we’d have much more control when it comes to our internal experience versus what happens externally around us) and affect our state of being so hugely. Our emotional states not only determine how we feel, but also our ability to act in a productive, positive way, so clearly negative states like worry, sadness, fear, anger and hurt are largely counter-productive to our journeys as entrepreneurs.

The reason we experience emotional states is to receive a message; unfortunately very often we don’t listen or pay attention to the message and so rather than being resolved, the state persists. If we are wronged by someone we love for instance, in most cases we will feel hurt and sometimes angry. These emotions confirm for us that an expectation we had was not met. In the case of personal relationships, often our expectations can be unrealistic or unfair without us even being aware of this until we’re disappointed. But our power lies in our ability to review or change an unrealistic expectation that we may have held, and act accordingly so that we feel happiness and love.

Our emotions are led by our thoughts and where our focus lies. If I feel wronged by someone, I may focus on why I feel hurt, leading to anger and argument. If I am worried that I won’t have enough money at the end of the month, I may focus on this fear leading to pain, anxiety, and I feel worse and worse. So if I keep focusing on the source of a negative emotion, I can easily become stuck, digging myself deeper and deeper and it just tends to get worse for me, attracting more negative associations or circumstances that confirm my worry or fear. It’s the Law of Attraction - the fulfillment of focus or perceived reality.

Getting stuck in a negative emotional state is dangerous because it can spiral out of control and become more and more difficult to break out of. You have to change it before it takes hold by managing your state and making sure you remain predominantly in positive, proactive states. Not only will you do more positive things this way, but you will attract more of the positive as well.

Okay, so how do we manage our emotional states?

There are many 'sciences' that teach state management, but there are really two simple techniques - focus and physiology. Remember I mentioned that our emotional state is predominantly brought on and enhanced by what we focus our thoughts on? If we think negative things, we feel negative things. So firstly we need to become aware of our thoughts and when we realise we’re feeling negative or upsetting emotions, we need to stop and look at what we are focusing our internal conversations on. To change this, we sometimes need a jolt to assist in breaking the pattern – change your environment (just get up and take a short walk, for instance), take proactive action and get something done, have a conversation with someone positive or listen to motivational audio programmes. For those more disciplined in emotional state management, simply start focusing on positive things and solutions and it will change how you feel. I find for myself that simply thinking isn't always enough, so what works for me is to start writing down some ideas. When I start planning solutions, my state changes.

Now for the physiological aspect to help you shift your state. Use your body - stand up, get moving, become aware of your posture, your breathing, go for a walk, go to the gym…your physiology and what you’re doing with it influences what you feel. By combining what you’re focusing your thoughts on and becoming aware of positive movement in your body (such as good posture and exercise) you can shift your state to the positive end of the spectrum. Yes, it is true that healthy, fit people manage their emotional states better than unhealthy, lethargic people – the mental and physical aspects are inextricably intertwined and the one affects the other.

The bottom line is, managing your emotional state is a critical tool in managing your outcomes. Please don’t just read this; use it, apply it. I know it will make a difference.

Have a 'happy' weekend.

Your Entrepreneurial Coach
Brian Walsh