Gift Giving

Well, I know it seems a few months off, but before we know it, Christmas will be here. And even before Christmas arrives, September will be here – allegedly the month with the highest number of birthdays (can’t possibly think of a reasonJ. And weddings will start – spring weddings are very popular. And the one thing all these potential events have in common? Gifts. Whether you need to get a gift for a birthday, Christmas or a wedding, gift buying can be stressful.

Firstly, let’s look at what a gift is. “A gift or present is the transfer of money, goods, etc., without the need for compensation that is involved in trade. A gift is a voluntary act which does not require anything in return. Even though it involves possibly a social expectation of reciprocity, or a return in the form of prestige or power, a gift is meant to be free. In many human societies, the act of mutually exchanging gifts may contribute to social cohesion. … By extension the term gift can refer to anything that makes the other more happy or less sad, especially as a favour, including forgiveness and kindness (even when the other is not kind).” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gift

Buying a gift is never easy, because as we all know, a gift reflects our perception of the person we are giving a gift to and our relationship with that person. Ever noticed how newly weds will be extravagant when buying their new husband or wife a gift, but couples who have been married for twenty or more years are usually not quite so excited about gift giving for their spouses? How do the gifts here reflect the attitudes towards the relationship? Interesting question.

Buying a gift is a lot easier when you know that person really well, than buying a gift for an acquaintance or business associate. The easiest place to start, whether you know that person well or not, is to assess what you know about their interests and hobbies. Is there any scope for a gift in what they are interested in? For example, if the person you’re buying a gift for is interesting in reading, surely a book would be a good choice? Or if they enjoy cooking, what about a new recipe book? If you can’t make any decisions there, try thinking about things they may enjoy but would never treat themselves to. For example, a busy mom might not feel comfortable spending her money on a back massage for herself. This then would be a wonderful gift for her. Or what about a Dad who would love a leather jacket, but would rather spend his money on the home or his children. Giving these types of gifts show that you understand the person and their situations well – what a pleasure to receive something you’ve always wanted, but could never spend the money on.

Remember, that when giving a gift – any gift – for any occasion – it is not about the value of the gift in monetary terms. It may not even be about a “physical gift”. A true gift has meaning and a personal value to the recipient. The best gift to buy a friend that I know is any bath stuff – bath oils, bubble bath, bath perfume, anything. She loves it and can never have too much of it. So, a small bottle of bubble bath will hold immense value for her. However, don’t ever give her something for her home. She feels that birthdays and Christmas are for personal gifts – not for the home. So, she wouldn’t appreciate a cutlery set. Get to know the person you’re buying a gift for.

Eastern Gifts and Things has a unique range of gifts to suit every person and/or occasion. And if you can’t find a suitable gift, there is always the option of purchasing a gift voucher. Visiting our site, which has full e-Commerce capabilities, will give you a lot of ideas, some of which fall within the range of “common” items, but these are items that are always popular and worth a thought.

Be creative when it comes to gift giving. Another friend I know doesn’t mind what the gift is, as long as it is wrapped beautifully with a pretty bow. That will seriously make her day (and we do offer a gift wrapping service).

Sometimes, though, we come across those individuals in society who already have everything. And money is no object to them. Or, we could come across those that we have to buy a gift for, but we’ve never met. For example, going to a wedding on a date, but you’ve never met the bridal party before. A simple token gift will probably suffice, but thinking out of the box could give you some wonderful ideas.

We have taken the liberty of listing some gift ideas below (some on our site, and others just as ideas) to aid you in your gift giving this year.

Some Ideas

• Buying for the home: This could be tricky if you don’t personally know that person’s taste or style or their preference in home décor. If you do get a gift for the home, look out for items that are unusual, interesting, collectable when choosing things like: prints, original paintings, ornaments, sculptures, lamps, foot-rests, rugs, decorative tables, table linen, mirrors, garden ornaments, water features.
• Other ideas area: a collection of pool towels, bathroom luxuries (like a towel warmer), garden recliners, plants, magazine racks, wine racks, hat stands, coat racks, CD stands.
• Non-“physical gifts”: Like a massage, or a facial. Try something new and exotic, like a Swedish massage or a Indian Head massage.
• Give them a new sport or hobby to be interested in: Buy them some lessons and / or the basic equipment needed to get started.
• Help them grow: enroll them in a skills training course, personal development programme or any variation on this theme. Even a few sessions with a therapist could make an ideal gift for someone that wants it but can't afford it themselves.
• Try something completely new: Scuba diving, Kite skiing, Surfing, Flying (pilot's license).
• Try a new experience: Weekend away or mini holiday, Safari, Bungy jump, Helicopter flip, Cultural tour, Tickets for two to a live performance or concert, Dinner for two at a special restaurant, Tickets to an important rugby match or sports tournament (whatever their favourite sport – and remember, the focus is on their favourite sport, this is not an opportunity for you to go watch your favourite team play rugby:-)).
• Organise for them to: learn or experience anything that they have longed for – fulfill a wish. Change a life. Dare to be different!
• Give your time. Sometimes all that people want is to spend an afternoon or an evening with you.
• Gift vouchers. Gift vouchers that can be redeemed, especially to be used when you just simply either do not have the time or cannot think of something to buy. Gift vouchers also come in handy when you know the recipient is looking for something specific that you cannot find. For example, they are looking specifically for a type of Noritake design, but you don’t know what it is. Giving a gift voucher will allow that person to choose what it is specifically that they want or are looking for.
• Homemade gifts: People often balk at the idea of handmade gifts, yet these can be the most meaningful of all. The key is to choose a gift that you believe the person would enjoy and to make it properly.
• Edibles: A selection of home-made biscuits, preserves, jams, chutneys, breads, sweets or whatever your talent allows. Many of these require no talent at all and a small selection, presented on a nice yet inexpensive tray or in a pretty container, makes for a meaningful gift that also has a lasting element. Ideal for when you have a group that you want to give small gifts to, like book club members, wine club members, neighbours, etc.
• Gift baskets: There are plenty of on-line gift baskets and Eastern Gifts and Things will very soon be selling its own gift baskets. These can be tailor made to the recipient and can include lovely bath creams, or dried fruit and biltong, etc.

If you have any comments on stunning gift ideas or what you would like for Christmas, birthday or wedding – please let us know by e-mailing info@easterngifts.co.za.

For more articles on gifts and other ideas, log onto: www.easterngifts.co.za.

Make over your marriage

Marriage is not for the faint-hearted. It takes hard work and commitment. We asked a long-time happily married couple, a marriage counsellor and a divorce lawyer for tips and advice for marriage makeovers that work.

Happily married

Val and Monty Mildren from Durban share a powerful bond born of an abiding friendship since primary school. 'I had my eye on Monty from as far back as Standard 3!' laughs Val.

After a long courtship, the Mildrens were married in 1958. Forty-eight years, three children and five grandchildren later, the couple says that for them, the time has 'flown'. Monty retired in 1997 and instead of battling with the adjustment as many couples do, the change of lifestyle brought them closer together. 'Apart from being more in love than ever, we are compatible and share the same values. I think marriages today are under a lot more pressure. For starters, money doesn't buy what it used to, and most couples need two salaries. Working couples with young children have very little time to relax and enjoy their home or spend time together,' says Monty.

Val says, 'I was privileged not to have had to work outside the home, which I think made a difference – I was able to spend a lot of time with Monty and the children without having to juggle a home with a career. 'Also, we have never placed any importance on "keeping up with the Joneses." Our children didn't always get everything their friends had, but we are a very close-knit family. If both partners don't share the same values there are bound to be problems. Total respect for each other is also very important and a sense of humour is a must. Monty and I always seem to find something to laugh about.'
'Finances are also a big issue,' Monty adds. 'Many marriages have ended because of arguments about money. It's important that couples agree on a target, such as your plans for retirement, and live according to a budget that falls within your means.'

The counsellor

Cathy Haselau is a social worker in private practice. She specialises in marital and family therapy. A former counsellor at the Family and Marriage Society of South Africa (FAMSA), Cathy has 19 years of relationship counselling experience. 'In most cases, problems arise when couples fight as a result of misunderstanding each other and poor communication. Issues can include the in-laws, one of the partners having an affair, money matters, chores, child-care responsibilities, and parenting methods and the demands of step-parenting.
'Often an argument arises over a small issue and escalates because both partners are feeling hurt and they become reactive and defensive. They then begin to use destructive, hostile communication such as blaming, contempt and ignoring each other. This obviously increases the hurt and the reactivity and so the vicious cycle gets worse,' according to Cathy.

'Couples need to affirm each other. The American psychologist and author John Gottman did research that shows that in a good marriage it takes five positive communications to balance just one negative one. Therefore, if you have a fight and you use 100 negative communications, you will need 500 positive communications to balance it out. Couples need to look out actively for the positive energy in the marriage, build it and not take it for granted.'

The divorce lawyer

Roger Knowles is an attorney, lecturer and author, specialising in divorce and family law. 'My views are based on failing relationships, as I rarely see people in healthy relationships. Most marriages break down for a combination of reasons, such as communication and preconceived expectations. People don't communicate very well. Couples need to listen – really listen – with a genuine willingness to try and understand each other. Also, most people seem to have an idea of what marriage as an institution should be, and have never really asked themselves or their spouses what is possible or desirable or best for them. They may try to impose what a marriage should be onto the relationship, without taking into account the fact that individuals, times and circumstances constantly change. Couples also need to understand how far removed the wonderful madness of romance is from the real world. A lot of relationships don't survive that transition.'

According to Roger Knowles, these are some of the most common reasons cited in divorce summonses:

• lack of communication
• constant arguing
• no longer sharing common interests
• infidelity
• physical abuse
• emotional abuse
• substance abuse
• lack of a sexual relationship.

Makeover tips for marriages

• Always show respect and kindness towards each other. Monty Mildren says that while he and Val do have disagreements, they have never used unkind words towards each other.
• Learn to communicate effectively and allow your partner to have different views without taking offence or making offensive remarks. Be gentle and tolerant with each other.
• Ensure that you set goals together and plan ahead – this includes a budget.
• Newlyweds need to learn to balance their time so that each has individual time as well as couple time.
• A new baby can really disrupt a relationship. Don't be afraid to ask for help from family or friends, or find a babysitter so that each person has personal time, and there is space in your schedule for couple time together. And don't forget that in the chaos a new baby brings, it is okay to have an untidy house.
• Do things together as much as possible. 'Each partner must have a life, but they must also spend a lot of it with their partner,' says Roger Knowles. 'Time and time again I am told by tearful about-to-be divorcées that their spouses are forever working, or playing golf – or going out without them.'
• Don't allow your marriage to become boring. 'Make sure you have fun time alone together, without children, family or friends. Don't take each other for granted. Give each other fun surprises. If you have fun outside the bedroom you are more likely to have fun inside the bedroom,' advises Cathy Haselau.
• Laugh often. Share jokes and recall funny situations. Laughter is a great connector and it's hard to stay angry when you're laughing.
• Share chores. 'This can become a problem when chores and child care are allocated according to tradition, and one person carries more of the load and resents it. The couple needs to negotiate so that both contribute fairly and equally,' says Cathy.
• Stay faithful by expressing your needs and concerns to each other directly. Be open and honest, and put energy into your marriage. Solve problems in the marriage, not outside it.
• Children leaving the nest? One or both of you retiring? Look at it as an opportunity to rekindle your relationship and set new joint dreams and targets.
• 'I would recommend marriage counselling as soon as problems occur,' says Cathy. 'The earlier these problems are addressed the easier it is to sort them out. Even if your partner refuses to go, it's important to go on your own to help you to cope.'

Ref: http://www.women24.com/Ideas/ContentDisplay/Ideas_ArticleDisplay/0,12069,10132,00.html

Gift Wrapping...

Yes, we can. All you had to do is ask, and we did. Eastern Gifts and Things cc can now offer gift wrapping for a mere R15.00. AND - you can have up to five delivery addresses registered under your profile. AND - these delivery addresses can be edited or updated at any time.

Can it get any better than this? Remember, we have the ideal range for gifts, birthdays, weddings, anniversaries - so even if your family or friends live out of town, we deliver across the country.

And if you want any interesting information in these blogs - why not e-mail me on info@easterngifts.co.za and I’ll research it for you (remember, only pertaining to home decor, kitchenware and gifting).

See you on-line soon:-)

Regards,
M.